Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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