Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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