Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
