When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
