There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Operation Purity has been aborted
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
