She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
