So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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