I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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