the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
