I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
