Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
