I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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