therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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