Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
