yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
