i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
