you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
