Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
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