Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
