Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
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