I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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