I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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