I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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