I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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