the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
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i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
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I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
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