Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
our cab driver is having phone sex.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
