there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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