Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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