you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
