Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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