So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
What did we do last night that was yellow?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
