EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i will never coherently bang her
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
