I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
