whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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