Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
