i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
