I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
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