in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
