I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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