She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
