i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
