my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
