That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
please come you make the beer taste better
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
