i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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