"it" just moved
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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