Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize
