honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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