i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
