like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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