Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
