So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
