i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
