I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
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