I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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