Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
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sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
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Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
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