he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
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Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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