Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
