Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
