It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
