Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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