That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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