my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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