It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
