definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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