YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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