I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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