It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
