Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
