I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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