I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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