well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
