Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
