Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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