We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
