i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
