why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
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I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
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Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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