He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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